I asked, Why me?
As the chemo burned
My young body and thick hair,
My dreams of playing basketball,
Of walking the ramp...
I asked, Is there a Purpose
To this Pain....
Of knowing Life
Would never be the same?
The Blessing came:
The Emperor of Maladies
Gave me a Reprieve.
Clawing back to Life,
I started again.
Struggling to smile,
Wondering if I should
Go that Extra Mile
A decade went by
But the Questions remained
What was the Purpose
To my Pain...
Researching Cancer
I sought the secrets
In the Cells
Hoping they would
Unlock the Mystery
Of Pain and Agony
Of a Childhood Lost
Of dreams crushed, like a flower
But the Answers never came
Little did I know back then
Like Gifts they would arrive
On three different occasions:
The Lessons of Life..
One day, five years ago
In the foothills of Rishikesh
Where the mountains kiss the skies
I met beautiful Claire.
In extreme Pain
Having lost her Soulmate
She had traversed continents
Seeking Closure.
From her Loss
I learnt the Value of Life;
Learnt that Pain
Can grant Wisdom
To Choose Wisely
To Live Fully
To Love Completely.
Enwrapped in Confetti
The next Gift arrived
At an Awards function
Where they had chosen
To Award me
For defying Death !
(How foolish - could anyone ever ?)
But that day
The Show was Someone Else's
A Mother who had Lost
Her Daughter
To a Ghastly Rape.
Yet Stolid and Stoic
She remained
As she talked of the Pain
Of having to feed Nirbhaya
While she lay....
But she did not cry
She used her Pain
To Stand up and Fight
Not be broken
By her Plight...
From Nirbhaya's mother
I learnt the Power of Pain
I saw it touch, tug and pull
Saw it galvanise
That gathering full,
To rally for a Common Cause
With uncommon Strength.
That day I learnt
Pain could be a Driver
For disruptive Change.
My final Gift
It arrived
As an unforgettable experience:
Touring Zambia
I saw such Poverty
As I had never seen
Famished bodies
Outside run-down huts
Yet smiles writ large
On their faces
As they greeted me;
I asked a young teen
How much her
Braided hair cost
Ten dollars Miss,
With a proud smile she said
And we do it
Once a month.
Happiness,
It dawned on me,
Did not lay
In a full stomach or
A house of clay
Happiness was in
Doing all that
That made One
Feel Good ...
Food would only
Feed her Stomach
But it was her braided Hair
At 10 dollars a month
That fed her Soul.
Happiness then
Did not depend
On the riches
In my pockets;
Happiness was a
Function of
How Good I felt
With what I did,
For myself and others,
Out of Choice
I have laboured
For two decades and two
Since those Questions
First showed up
In my own way
I have figured out
The Purpose to my Pain
I am no longer
An aimless dinghy
Bobbing in the sea of Life
I am now a Tall Ship
With a Star to steer her by
I am the Light
For those in the Dark
I am there to Listen
To the poor and sickly’s hark
For those suffering
I am the Hope
I am the Strength
That helps them cope
I no longer
Chide my Pain.
It has granted me
The Armour of Empathy,
While dealing with disease;
Taught me to
Value each Day
That I get to Breathe;
To Help every Human
In dire Need;
To separate my Happiness
From my Wants;
I have learnt now
The Panacea to Pain
Is to Love unconditionally
And Serve gratefully....
This is my Journey
God, be with Me...