The Arranged Marriage at 16

Type :Personal Essay

Countries :Uganda

It’s Saturday morning and its market day, and imagine how market day is in the rural area especially when the sole provider in the home is a market vendor, the children have to help in carrying some of the items. It was me Saturday morning, at 6:30am, packing items with my mother to carry them to market. It was normal for me having done it every Saturday since I was 7 years and now I was 16 with no support from my father or my male siblings who never bothered helping mother in her struggles. Then father put his bicycle out and moved towards us and said “I can help you to carry things to market” and mother asked him to repeat what he said, “yes today I am not busy, so I can help you carry and sell your items in the market for you and Birungi to rest and do other things at home”. It was a surprise, because he never done such, since mother started selling in the market and the only time he did it, he consumed all the money on alcohol. Yes my father was an alcoholic. My mother first argued and hesitated the offer, but it was father’s happy and peaceful morning, because at times, such arguments would lead to violence. So mother accepted the offer but still in disbelief, even though she insisted on following, father assured to handle everything and should not worry. My mother in her faith, said “God has finally touched the soul of this man”. My father and brothers never supported us in these market activities because mother was raising money to meet my education needs. For the years I started schooling, my father never shown any interest in my education despite earning monthly wages much higher than the profits mother got from items sales. He hated girl-child education, the spirit he instilled in his sons, he negatively criticized it, and could become violent and abusive whenever I talked about my education, all he wished me was to grow, get married and bring bride price. So it’s when mother started vending in the market to raise my school fees and other needs, my mother made a vow by saying “I was denied an opportunity to study, but I will ensure that my daughter attains higher education”. And that’s why father never supported her in any economic activity and left her to be overburdened by family’s basic needs, he would wish mother to give up on me. We faced many injustices in the home, my brothers were favored with their academic and social needs because my father supported them, but with Birungi, forbid. I was introduced to do various economic activities at an early age “Human rights activists today call it child labour”. So the Saturday when father offered to help with market activities, I had turned 16, waiting to join high school, it was that day my father and my paternal Aunt, had planned my marriage. Unknown to us, it was trick by father to stay at home, prepare good food which father had earlier bought and prepare for unknown visitors. In the afternoon, father returned from market, handed money to mother from the sold items [still surprised] and when mother tried to go to check on the brothers, father assured everything was ok. At around 2: pm a man with his sister accompanied by my paternal Aunt arrived home (the visitors in waiting) and father was at home indeed. After sharing pleasantries and having a meal, my aunt made introductions and called the man’s sister to introduce with the reason of their visiting. Then she started “thank you for welcoming us in this home, it’s our pleasure. Mr and Mrs [mentioning my parents’ names] thank you for raising such beautiful girl and you will not regret handing her to us as we shall take good care of her like our own daughter”. She continued,”Birungi, please accept to be our wife and you will no longer struggle in life”. Immediately mother held my hand and stood up, out of her voice and argued, questioned and defied such ill marriage arrangement. To our shock, father denied to be part of arrangement that it was Aunt’s. I realized that many women like my mother in my community, had the capacity and potential to contribute to the development of society if they had full rights access to knowledge and skills because they were more concerned of their children’s’ education, food, clothing and other basic necessities and wellbeing of the family. I imagined, if it was not my mother, I would have ended up marrying a 42 year old as a 2nd wife, I wouldn’t have acquired adequate education I desired. And at age of 14, I told my mother that “I would grow to be a leader and help fellow young girls and women to fight these social injustices”, though I didn’t know what category of a leader I would become. Today I have lived to inspire many through my organisation Safeplan Uganda and impacted more than 10,000 young girls and women through life skills coaching, skills development, SRH education, income strengthening and advocacy to break social and cultural norms that limit young women to live a meaningful life.